Historical setting: 602 C.E. Metz
It seems as though I should be grateful that my son would be indentured to a man who, as bishop, has placed his own commitment to God above his noble need for expanding earthly power. Thank you, God.
And maybe this chaffing at my conscience is only my own stubborn nature. Help me God. But I fear when next I lay eyes on this child, he will be tall and shining in borrowed armor, head to toe, shield on his arm, sword at his side, fully prepared to obediently slay some unknown nobleman’s guard. Or maybe his orders will be to drive a polearm through a messenger who brings unwanted news.
My choice isn’t to change anyone else. All I can choose in this is either to let him know that he has the unconditional love of his parents or I could hide that from him forever. Actually, I don’t have this choice at all. A punitive withholding of love — a father sending his child off without his blessing – is a spear through the heart of the father regardless of the harm it brings the son. Really, I can only choose to let him know his father’s love is unconditional, as I also know God’s love is for all of us on earth as it is in heaven.
So, I tell him the same as I told his brother as I am leaving.
“Always know I love you, and I speak for your mother also, because we love you as you are, regardless of where you go and what you do.”
But as I ride back to Luxeuil on a borrowed horse, leading the borrowed horse Greg rode, this emptiness is raw.
Dear God, of course I’m grateful for these beautiful sons. Help me to know the difference between owning them and loving them. Amen.
I consider the differences between these two who are so like one another that others can’t even distinguish between them. Yet we’ve always known their unique personalities. Gabe is at peace in solitude and when he is with others, he simply works along with them, side-by-side. But Greg is a bit more like me. What I call leadership, Ana calls controlling. Greg would soon chaff under monastic rule. He probably wouldn’t argue issues of creed and trinity, but like me, he will, no doubt, always make his own choices. Will he prefer orders to rule? I’m not sure.
(Continues tomorrow)
Lazarus Ink 