Historical Setting, 629 C.E. Vosges
The jagged edges of relationship are gnawing at our whole family just now, and Layla is in danger. I listen to Gaia’s own story and I realize this really isn’t something to put aside or pretend away. I would have thought a blind woman could be shielded for pity’s sake.
“Papa Lazarus, I wasn’t born blind. It happened when I was still nearly an infant, so I don’t remember. But my mother told me things. She said when she was first wed, my pater had some failings and he hated himself. First, she thought love would fix him, but he was truly a mad man.
“So, my mater hid her bride’s money away planning when I was old enough, we could buy horses and she would ride away with me. Mater said that Pater believed hurting whatever he loved most would hurt himself, and it was himself he hated.
“Then, once when he was in a rage, he grabbed me up and shook me and that was how I became blind. It was terrible for him because he loved me. He said he would never rage again. But he was a mad man.
“Whenever he saw how I was broken he just hated himself all the more, and for a mad man, hurting what you love is a way of hurting yourself.
“He told me my mother died from a fall on the steps. But I know how she died. Since I was already broken, I guess he didn’t love me enough to hurt me anymore, so in that mad way, I was safe. I took my mater’s job tending the market booth, keeping her horse money hidden away always a secret from him but always a hope for me.
“Then Brandell came, and Brandell thought my pater was a master artist and teacher and he listened to everything Pater said. He tried so hard to please my pater but I could see that the more Brandell was kind to him, the more dangerous Pater would become. My pater had no imagination for happiness, so if there ever was any kind of goodness or love in our house, his raging self, caused him to destroy it just to keep himself hurting as he thought he deserved.
“I told Brandell we had to leave. I used my mater’s runaway money and bought us our horses.
“Maybe Brandell will make a verse for this song of us, because it is a love story. And love is all pain and, when sane and right, all joy—poetic paradox.”
(Continues Tuesday, April 23)
Lazarus Ink 