Historical Setting, 610 C.E. the old road from Besançon to Luxeuil
Gabe is telling he was called before his teacher because another novice accused him of “heresy.”
“I told my teacher that when I first went to Luxeuil there were so many different ways people speak of God it set me to questioning what I believed. So, I went into a field with ripening grain to be alone for prayer and I asked God to excuse me from prayers for just one day, so I could pretend there was no God, and thus learn something I needed to know. What I needed to know was “is God?” I remembered it is a sin to test God, so I confessed to God that, indeed, I was testing, but I just really had to know.
It felt like a deep hurt to be without God that day. In fact, the whole world seemed pretend and not real. It was like I wandered into a painting. All the while I was denying and ignoring a brightness walking beside me, so I told God to leave me alone so I could figure this out on my own. But the brightness was still there. I didn’t want to look at it and see what it was. I tried to pretend it wasn’t there. This wasn’t like Moses humbly not looking. I just wanted to do this on my own. I walked deep into a grain field where no one would see me so if there was the God-light following me it could be hidden. Again I said to the light I had to do this on my own. Then, in my secret, silent not-a-prayer I asked for a sign. In silent thought I made the deal with some kind of nothing that if God is, let the grain suddenly fall from the grain head I was gazing on. I expected something natural could actually happen that I could take as a sign: maybe a wind would loosen the grain, or it would just fall from ripeness. For me, that would be a sign that God was allowing it to happen, but it also would allow for nature, yet I would believe it to be a sign. But with no wind at all the seed heads in my sight turned from dull into beautiful colors, each seed a different hue and no wind. An array of brilliant seeds rose in the air, dancing in circles and swirls, high above me, then landing all around my feet.”
“Did your teacher punish you when you told this?”
(Continues tomorrow)
Lazarus Ink 